Well there is not much that I can write on this that some may already know. I'm not here to defend or accuse. We've done enough of that and I, like Luke am tired of it all. I've come to realize that ultimately it has been me that has done all of this. I have been the one that has been on his case since the beginning as such thinking and feeling that I could forgive him and move on like I did with Ian (1st bf). So much to my regret I was unable. I felt that everytime as time passed the hurt I was feeling was not understood and so by bring it up all the time I did'nt think and realize that I was just denting the relationship more and more. A big part has also been that I wear my heart on my sleeve as such and I thought in time that Luke would open up more to me. Instead, once he left me, all I saw was him flirting, chatting and going home with other guys. It had'nt occurred to me that they have been friends or indeed that he was hurting and just did'nt want me to see it for whatever reason. I miss the times when we would be in bed laughing and tickling one another, talking on the couch and just cuddling up to him while watching tv. He is the most wonderful, provocative, inspiring, comical, loveable, truely handsome, sexy, amazing, inspirational, aspiring, determined, giving, loving, nuturing, cuddly young man I have had the pleasure to know and love. I am still in live with Luke and I know that a lot of people will not believe this but I'm not out to prove it to anyone. I can feel it. I can sense it. I can breath it. All he has to do still is walk in a room and I am transfixed by his presence. I don't know if it's because of this that I could'nt forgive before and just blamed him all the time and tried to make him feel what I have always felt........I don't know now and never probably will. I miss playing with his chest hair, I miss holding his hand, I will miss cleaning up after him. I will miss holding his face and looking into those mezmorizing eyes of his and feel my heart jump like as if I was on a rollercoaster. I'm certainly going to miss kissing him and feel like I am floating and feel a tear on my cheek everytime he did. I know I have lost the love of my life and will feel pain but I also know that there is someone out their that is about to become a very very lucky person and I just hope that Luke finds his true love.